It’s been a month since I lost Mrs. Cisco.  I know it’s early, WAY early in the process, but the biggest change has been how damned SAD everyday things have become.  You know when you wake up, but not all the way?  That moment when the fog is still clearing? That’s my moment of peace.  As soon as that fog clears and I roll over, reality hits again. Hammer to the chest. Every. Single. Damned. Day.  She was part of the workday too, chatting back and forth, finding out if/what I needed to bring home, goofing off, simple stuff.  Gone. Grocery shopping (admittedly not one of my favorite things to begin with) has become excruciating. And the QUIET. It’s just so damned QUIET.  And not the kind of quiet you get when you’re with someone and there’s no NEED for words. Just silence. That’s the worst.

That said, I’m grateful for the time we had together. I’m glad I told her I loved her before she went to sleep. I’m glad she knew that. I believe she’s at peace, and I’m grateful for that. I know that I will see her again. And I know there’s a reason I’m still here. I may be wrong for saying this, but it had better be worth having lost her.


2 responses to “Transitions

  1. Take it moment by moment…and grieve. In time, you’ll figure out the reason, for all.
    Don’t isolate yourself and spend time with people who love you. Bring children into your home..those you know and trust. (They add so much joy)
    I’m hopeful that other widowers will reach out to you and I’m very sorry for your loss!

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